First Place

JOY
NEW YORK
AGE: 33

IT WAS A BLIND DATE AND HE SHOWED UP DRUNK. EVEN SO I WAS STILL WILLING TO GIVE IT A GO. BUT THEN HE KEPT TOUCHING MY HAIR AND TELLING ME HOW PRETTY IT WAS. I DECIDED THAT WAS ENOUGH, BUT BEFORE MAKING MY ESCAPE, I HAD TO USE THE LOO. WHILE IN THERE, HE SENT ME A PICTURE MESSAGE ON MY PHONE OF HIS PRIVATE PARTS. I HIGHTAILED IT OUT OF THERE AND NEVER ANSWERED HIS CALLS AGAIN.

Second Place

LAUREN
NY
AGE: 24

AFTER NARROWLY ESCAPING A CARNIVAL RIDE OF A 5 YEAR RELATIONSHIP (AND MOTIVATED BY SOME 'SUBTLE' PRESSURE FROM MY FRIENDS) I DECIDED TO SEE IF I STILL HAD GAME AND GAVE THE WHOLE INTERNET DATING THANG A SHOT. YA NEVER KNOW, RIGHT?

SO I CREATED A PROFILE AND STUMBLED UPON A SEEMINGLY NORMAL, CUTE BOY FROM JERSEY (OXYMORON?). WE CHATTED ONLINE FOR A COUPLE WEEKS, EXCHANGED PICTURES AND EVENTUALLY DECIDED TO MEET FOR DINNER ONE NIGHT AFTER WORK.

HE SEEMED PRETTY COOL...WAS A LITTLE YOUNGER THAN ME BUT I DIDNT MIND TOO MUCH.

HE DROVE OVER AN HOUR TO MEET ME AT THIS ITALIAN RESTAURANT NEAR WHERE I LIVE. LITTLE DID HE KNOW, ONE OF MY FRIENDS WAS A WAITRESS THERE, AND I BRIEFED HER BEFOREHAND AND SET UP A CODE WORD IN CASE I HAD TO BE RESCUED.

SO HE SHOWED UP AND WAS SLIGHTLY LESS ATTRACTIVE THAN HIS PICTURES (TYPICAL), BUT PRETTY CUTE NONETHELESS. WE SAT DOWN, CHATTED FOR A WHILE, ORDERED SOME WINE...YADAYADA. THINGS WERE GOING WELL I THOUGHT.

ABOUT AN HOUR INTO OUR DATE, HE EXCUSED HIMSELF FROM THE TABLE TO USE THE RESTROOM (OR SO I THOUGHT). WHEN HE RETURNED, WE RESUMED OUR CONVERSATION BUT WERE INTERRUPTED BY MY PHONE BEEPING THAT I HAD A MESSAGE. NOT TO BE RUDE, I IGNORED IT. BUT THIS GUY INSISTED THAT I CHECK MY PHONE, SO I DID. I LOOKED AT IT TO FIND 2 TEXT MESSAGES FROM HIM. THE FIRST ONE SAID, "COME TO ITALY WITH ME." FOLLOWED BY AN EQUALLY CREEPY "I WANT TO DATE YOU." HMM....I WAS STUMPED. BAFFLED, I LAUGHED IT OFF AND TOLD HIM HE WAS SILLY. THEN HE LEANED OVER THE TABLE AND ASKED ME IF HE COULD SEE ME AGAIN. "WHAT, ARE YOU LEAVING?" I REPLIED. TO THAT, HE SAID HE WAS HAVING A REALLY GREAT TIME AND COULD SEE HIMSELF ENDING UP WITH ME. HAVING LITTLE TO NO MUTUAL FEELINGS AT THIS POINT, I SUBTLY TRIED TO MOTION TO MY WAITRESS FRIEND TO HELP ME OUT...BUT THINKING I WAS HAVING A GRAND OLD TIME, SHE GAVE US SPACE AND DISAPPEARED INTO THE KITCHEN.

I TRIED TO EXPLAIN TO THIS GUY THAT I WAS JUST GETTING BACK INTO THE DATING SCENE AND HOW I REALLY WASN'T LOOKING FOR ANYTHING (TRANSLATION: BACK OFF, PSYCHO). HE WASNT GETTING IT. FINALLY I CAUGHT MY FRIEND'S EYE AND MOTIONED FOR THE CHECK AND ASKED IF SHE'D WALK US OUT AND HAVE A CIGARETTE (THE CODE).

THE THREE OF US WENT OUTSIDE AND RELIEVED, I SIGHED AND COMMENTED ON HOW COLD IT WAS AND HOW I WAS PROBABLY JUST GOING TO HEAD HOME. I GUESS IN JERSEY BOY LANGUAGE MY COMMENT TRANSLATED TO "I AM IN NEED OF A HUMAN BLANKET" BECAUSE THE NUT TOOK IT UPON HIMSELF TO, IN FRONT OF MY FRIEND, WRAP HIMSELF AROUND ME TO 'KEEP ME WARM.' I GRACIOUSLY DECLINED HIS ATTEMPT TO GROPE ME AND SAID GOODNIGHT.

NO SOONER HAD I GOT IN MY CAR, THAN MY PHONE RANG. IT WAS JERSEY BOY TEXTING ME TO SLEEP WELL. THEN, ANOTHER ONE THAT SAID, "I MISS YOU ALREADY." WEIRDO! BUT THATS NOT EVEN CLOSE TO THE WORST PART.

I GOT HOME AND MY PHONE RANG ABOUT AN HOUR LATER. IT WAS HIM TELLING ME THAT HE GOT HOME OK AND THAT HE CAN'T WAIT TO SEE ME AGAIN. I TOLD HIM I HAD TO GO TO BED AND HUNG UP, BUT HOPPED ONLINE TO CHECK SOME MAIL BEFORE I HIT THE HAY.

BEFORE AOL EVEN LOADED COMPLETELY, I HAD AN IM FROM HIM. NOW THIS FREAK WAS GETTING A LITTLE BALLSY. HE SAID HOW HE WANTED TO KISS ME AND HOW HE LIKED LOOKING AT ME AND THINGS OF THAT NATURE. I RESPONDED WITH TELLING HIM THAT I DIDN'T LIKE WHERE THE CONVERSATION WAS LEADING. HE CONTINUED TO IM ME QUESTIONS ABOUT MY SEXUAL HISTORY. I TOLD HIM THAT I WAS NOT GOING TO TELL HIM ANYTHING. HE SAID HE'D DROP IT IF I ANSWERED ONE QUESTION: WHAT IS MY FAVORITE POSITION? I TOLD HIM THAT THEY ARE ALL SUPER. THEN HE IM'ED "BRB...GOTTA TAKE CARE OF THIS." TAKE CARE OF WHAT?!! ABOUT 5 MINUTES LATER HE IM'ED ME,"HEY BABY...SORRY ABOUT THAT." I ASKED HIM WHAT HE NEEDED TO 'TAKE CARE OF.' "I HAD TO JERK OFF SILLY," HE SAID. WHAT?!!! I TOLD HIM HE WAS CRAZY AND TO NEVER CONTACT ME AGAIN AND TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS INSANE. HE KEPT IM'ING ME HOW SORRY HE WAS...AND HOW HE DIDN'T THINK I WOULD CARE...AND HOW I SHOULD BE FLATTERED THAT THE THOUGHT OF ME COULD DO THAT. FLATTERED! I IGNORED HIM WHILE I FIGURED OUT HOW TO BLOCK HIM FROM EVERY INTERNET COMMUNICATION I COULD THINK OF. IN THE MEANTIME I RECIEVED IMS SAYING "HOW CAN YOU JUST IGNORE ME....I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE GOING TO JUST THROW THIS AWAY...WE HAD SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL." JESUS! I FINALLY BLOCKED HIM...ERASED HIM FROM ALL FRIEND LISTS AND VOWED NEVER TO DATE ANYONE FROM THE INTERNET AGAIN. ABSOLUTLY THE WORST DATE EVER! I TOOK A BREAK FROM DATING AFTER THAT. NOT THE BEST TRANSITION BACK INTO THE DATING SCENE...BUT I GUESS I STILL HAD GAME????


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